If an individual annoys you on the regular (or just the once in some cases), you can cut them out as easy as Edward Scissorhands. Unfortunately, this doesn't apply to yourself. I probably want to exile myself to a desert island about three times a week, and one day I think I'm gonna push myself over the edge and into the abyss of self-realisation.
1. Hobbies
I'm allergic to them. Deathly allergic. Name it, I've tried it. Running broke me out in a rash; I got hot and sweaty and couldn't really breathe. I ached afterwards and decided that it was an averse reaction to something deadly. People have told me this is normal when you start; I ain't buying it.
2. Small talk
Oh dear. The art form that has never been grasped. A social skill that other adults seem to have perfected. Small talk, in my opinion, was probably created for times when you're stuck with people you don't want to talk to. I just tend to leave the room, though apparently this gives the wrong message.
3. Texting
Just text back woman. I read the text, I acknowledge the text. I either deem it important or not. Do I reply? Never.
4. Foot in mouth syndrome
Got something in my head? I'll say it. Like the time I went to a house party, then subsequently told the host I was leaving because I was bored. My friends were not the slightest bit impressed. Why did I do this? I have no idea. The old chestnut that 'honesty is the best policy' does not apply here.
5. Worst case scenarios
Got a bit of dry skin? Probably a bit of eczema right? Well, not in my book. In the last year I've self-diagnosed with: the plague, rabies and well... everything really. Just don't self-diagnose. And definitely don't use WebMD.
6. The art of useless information
I try to keep up to date with all the shenanigans in the world, and try and absorb the latest intellectual jargon because apparently that's what makes a good conversation these days. Conversations about farts and Donald Trump's hair are out, and deep meaningful conversations are in. But don't worry, if you want to have DMCs about: the weight of an elephant; how only female mosquitoes bite (bitches); or how polar bears are left handed, then I'm your girl. I would also seriously like to know how they worked the latter out.
And lets be real. I've written a page of useless information so now I win.
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